Rape, I woke up crying over you and the unwanted journey you’ve sent me on a few times before the last in 2010. The last is special because eye feel weakened only to feel the strength of my source more deeply than eye ever have. Within having my external trust stripped, my healing requires internal trust thus building my relationship with my creator.

10/4/2014 . 10 notes . Reblog

I’m grateful for being designated as a being capable of bearing the burdens my traumas leave me with. Perseverance fuels my need to help others heal. Endurance reminds me that when it looks and feels like I’m standing alone, spirit got my back and for that eye owe the community my testimony of resilience. Violence didn’t exist in my life to oppress me beyond the duration of its existence but to redirect me to the source of my love after its extinction.

10/4/2014 . 7 notes . Reblog
tell me i’m strong one mo time

Strength cleverly tells you the resolution without relaying the entire story.

It leaves out the part that tells of the lows it took to gain this resiliency.

10/4/2014 . 26 notes . Reblog
i see strength in owning my vulnerability
10/4/2014 . 36 notes . Reblog
ignorance is bliss

And awareness fucking hurts

10/4/2014 . 71 notes . Reblog
hueman wombman

People often confuse vulnerability with weakness and strength for indestructability.

A strength amongst huemans is our ability to adapt. Adapting requires a series of extreme highs and lows before we come to a balance.

Strength exhibited in the past doesn’t determine my everyday demeanor. It cleverly tells you the resolution without relaying the entire story.

It leaves out the part that tells of the lows it took to gain this resiliency.

And right now, I’m feeling low. And it’s okay.

Because in the past, I allowed this irrational standard of my strength to dictate how I mistreated myself.

Mistreatment looks like unreasonable deadlines, harsh self criticism, and acceptance of devaluation. It looks like dishonest self-awareness.

Like evil, Lucifer, and Yin’s manipulative reflections.

I’m a wombman whose womb was violated 4 times before I ever experienced consent. By 12, I’d accepted death would be at the hands of my own mother.

Ain’t shit sweet about that.

I battle depression almost everyday. Suicide, too, and it’s okay.

It’s okay to hurt. Acceptance and awareness help with this aspect of growing (growing pains) but I don’t plan on feeling this way much longer.

10/4/2014 . 15 notes . Reblog
reclaiming voice

My voice scares me tho. Straight up n I never thought about how that reflects on the negative side of thangs. My voice, known to be outspoken also has its downfalls. Growing up in a family dynamic that either barely expresses love or expresses it angrily molded me to be defensive of the genuine love that eye behold. Basically meaning I have a sharp tongue, a short temper, and am a chronic love advert. These tools would’ve been more useful during those times of abuse but no longer serve a purpose. I’m in a safe place and know myself to be very protected. Then is not now and Eye am working toward implementing those beliefs into how eye interact with new loved ones. Eye don’t believe love should hurt… only heal.

 Eye think most importantly, the way I handle mySelf needs to be accommodated to my ever-evolving belief system. We can be hard on ourSelves but we gotta remember we’ve had a lot of practice doing the ‘wrong’ things so they become easier to do and the more beneficial things become uncomfortable. It’s all necessary changes and training to become the people we’re needed to be so eye can’t be hard on mySelf for not getting it the first time. That’s what it’s like learning a new craft. Mistakes make way for innovation.

10/4/2014 . 8 notes . Reblog
Rape, I woke up crying over you

Rape, I woke up crying over you and the unwanted journey you’ve sent me on a few times before the last in 2010. The last is special because eye feel weakened only to feel the strength of my source more deeply than eye ever have. Within having my external trust stripped, my healing requires internal trust thus building my relationship with my creator.

I feel sad that I’m chronically sad (I.e. depressed) and I feel bad that I feel bad. Above all, eye feel - and no strength displayed in past trauma holds me exempt from this human trait. My body has experienced several violations, all by loved ones. I’ve lived through some serious training to prepare me for the role eye was summoned to do and with that comes serious recovery.

My ideas of family have always been challenged since being bore to a mentally ill and severely abusive mother as well as a consistently incarcerated ‘father’. This shit affects an adolescent and because of it, I’m dealing with my root chakra a lot. My roots, the reason for my ego’s illusory self image and faulty lenses through which it manipulates me to view my world. My root needs nutrients and sunlight.

MY root needs attention and love from the present because 1-16 y/o Yaas did not believe either to exist in her cypher. My root needs the light that lead me out of the fucking trenches of darkness as a youth to brighten. Eye remember that light being a tight connection to my guiding spirits who used my words as a tool to express what love feels like when it isn’t visible. I’ve been channeling messages to be ok with solitude (it’s when I’ll find God), embark on a spiritual mission, pray more, and read holy scriptures.

I’ve been channeling messages to be ok with solitude (it’s when I’ll find God), embark on a spiritual mission, pray more, and read holy scriptures. All of this leads me to spending a lot of time with myself and spirit. Essentially, I’m building internal/ethernal fam. Something eye can’t rely on community to express for me as you are all expressing eerily reflective stories except through YOUR lenses and YOUR mediums.

I’m grateful for being designated as a being capable of bearing the burdens my traumas leave me with. Perseverance fuels my need to help others heal. Endurance reminds me that when it looks and feels like I’m standing alone, spirit got my back and for that eye owe the community my testimony of resilience. Violence didn’t exist in my life to oppress me beyond the duration of its existence but to redirect me to the source of my love after its extinction.

10/4/2014 . 11 notes . Reblog

sweetttnothingss said: beauty.

Reflections :)

9/4/2014 . 2 notes . Reblog

geronimoor said: ♥

Infinite, resilient lurve.

9/4/2014 . 1 note . Reblog

Anonymous said: Are you and duckwrth dating?! How long?!

Yes. It’s been a year.

9/4/2014 . 2 notes . Reblog

Anonymous said: Hey yas! I get so excited when you post, just wanted to share that. I've been following you for years and your growing strength is so evident, it gives me hope. Much love, Ashley (lost my tumblr password ): )

You think so? I feel weak these days. It’s all a part of the process tho.

I appreciate you. I need these reminders.

9/4/2014 . 2 notes . Reblog

Anonymous said: Do you wear bindis?

I did for a tiny bit but I can’t stand participating in the trendiness of a culture I belong to from a distance. I have two anchors on my forehead, over a year old. They better represent my connection to my third eye…

9/4/2014 . 3 notes . Reblog
#TAXFREE DROPS 02.19.14!!!!!!!!!! DUCKWRTH.COM. Stay tubed. 🚀🚀🚀| #duckwrth

#TAXFREE DROPS 02.19.14!!!!!!!!!! DUCKWRTH.COM. Stay tubed. 🚀🚀🚀| #duckwrth

14/2/2014 . 5 notes . Reblog
the struggle

The struggle

Of reclaiming your body

Your love

YOUR SPACE

The goddamn struggle

Of finding yourself worthy

Of his love

Her love

Their love

YOUR

OWN

LOVE

When so many people

Have deemed your body

Unworthy

Of receiving anything other than violence

The fucking struggle

To see that is not love

It’s beneath anything you deserve

The mothafunkin struggle

To look in the mirror and see

A reflection of God

A reflection of

Pure love

13/2/2014 . 53 notes . Reblog